NF - Mansion Lyrics
Lyrics
Chorus: Fleurie
Insidious is blind inception
What's reality with all these questions?
Feels like I missed my alarm and slept in (slept in)
Broken legs but I chase perfection
These walls are my blank expression
My mind is a home I'm trapped in
And it's lonely inside this mansion
Verse 1: NF
Yo my mind is a house with walls covered in lyrics
They're all over the place, there's songs in the mirrors
Written all over the floors, all over the chairs
And you get the uncut version of life when I go downstairs
That's where I write when I'm in a bad place and need to release
And let out the version of NF you don't want to see
I put holes in the walls with both of my fists 'til they bleed
You might get a glimpse of how I cope with all this anger in me
Physically abused, now that's the room that I don't want to be in
That picture ain't blurry at all, I just don't want to see it
And these walls ain't blank, I just think I don't want to see 'em
But why not? I'm in here, so I might as well read 'em
I gotta thank you for this anger that I carry around
Wish I could take a match and burn this whole room to the ground
Matter of fact I think Ima burn this room right now
Somehow this memory for some reason just won't come down
You used to put me in the corner, so you could see the fear in my eyes
Then took me downstairs and beat me 'til I screamed and I cried
Congratulations, you'll always have a room in my mind
But Ima keep the door shut and lock the lyrics inside
Chorus
Verse 2: NF
Yo my mind is a house with walls covered in pain
See my problem is I don't fix things
I just try to repaint, cover 'em up, like it never happen
Say I wish I could change. Are you confused?
Come upstairs and I'll show you what I mean
This room's full of regrets, just keeps getting fuller it seems
The moment I walk in to it is the same moment that I wanna leave
I get sick to my stomach every time I look at these things
But it's hard to look past when this is the room where I sleep
I look around. One of the worst things I wrote on these walls
Was the moment I realized that I was losing my mom
And one of the first things I wrote was I wish I would have called
But I should just stop now, we ain?t got enough room in this song
And I regret the fact that I struggled trying to find who I am
And I lie to myself and say I do the best that I can
Shrug it off like it ain't nothing like it's out of my hands
Then get ticked off whenever I see it affecting my plans
And I regret watching these trust issues eat me alive
And at the rate I'm going they'll probably still be there when I die
Congratulations, you'll always have a room in my mind
The question is: Will I ever clean the walls off in time?
Chorus
Verse 3: NF
So this part of my house, no one's been in it for years
I built the safe room and I don't let no one in there
Cause if I do, there's a chance
That they might disappear and not come back
And I admit I am emotionally scared to let anyone inside
So I just leave my doors locked
You might get other doors to open up but this doors not
Cause I don't want you to have the opportunity to hurt me
And I'll be the only person that I can blame when you desert me
I'm barricaded inside
So stop watching
I'm not coming to the door
So stop knocking, stop knocking
I'm trapped here
God keep saying I'm not locked in
I chose this
I am lost in my own conscience
I know that shutting the wall down ain't solving the problem
But I didn't build this house because I thought it would solve ?em
I built it because I thought that it would be safer in there
But it's not, I'm not the only thing that's living in here
Fear came to my house years ago I let 'em in
Maybe that's the problem
Cause I've been dealing with this ever since
I thought that he would leave, but it's obvious he never did
He must have picked the room and got comfortable and settled in
Now I'm in the position it's either sit here and let him win
Or put him back outside where he came from, but I never can
Cause in order to do that I'd have to open the doors
Is that me or the fear talking?
I don't know anymore
Video
NF - Mansion (Audio) ft. Fleurie
Meaning & Inspiration
Released on May 26, 2015, NF's "Mansion" immediately establishes itself as an unflinchingly honest exploration of the human mind, using the vivid metaphor of a dilapidated house to represent internal struggles with trauma, regret, and fear. The song, featuring Fleurie's haunting chorus, pulls back the veil on the artist's deepest vulnerabilities, inviting us into a deeply personal narrative that resonates with anyone who has battled their inner demons. It’s a powerful testament to the often-hidden brokenness within, a stark reminder that while we may appear composed on the surface, our internal landscapes can be a labyrinth of pain and unresolved conflict, echoing the Apostle Paul’s lament in Romans 7:15, "For I do not understand my own actions. For I do not do what I want, but I do the very thing I hate."
The journey into this psychological mansion begins with Fleurie's poignant chorus, setting the stage for a mind trapped within its own confines, where "Insidious is blind inception" and reality blurs amidst pressing questions. NF then guides us downstairs into the basement of his mind, a room covered in the raw lyrics born from moments of intense anger and past physical abuse. He describes punching holes in the walls until his fists bleed, a visceral depiction of the struggle to process deep-seated rage and the lingering scars of a painful childhood. The memory of being beaten until he screamed and cried is vividly recounted, a stark and unsettling image. Despite the desire to "burn this whole room to the ground," the past remains, a permanent fixture. This resonates with the biblical call to release bitterness and forgive, as seen in Ephesians 4:31-32, which urges us to "get rid of all bitterness, rage and anger, brawling and slander, along with every form of malice. Be kind and compassionate to one another, forgiving each other, just as in Christ God forgave you." NF’s narrative here lays bare the immense difficulty in truly letting go, acknowledging that some wounds leave indelible marks.
Ascending to another level of the mansion, we are introduced to a room overflowing with regrets, a space NF attempts to "repaint" and cover up, rather than truly fix. This section speaks to the human tendency to mask our failings instead of confronting them, only to find them accumulate and weigh us down. Here, he reveals the profound regret surrounding the loss of his mother and the lingering pain of missed opportunities to connect. He also confesses to struggling with identity and grappling with deep-seated trust issues that he fears will accompany him to his grave. This vividly portrays the burden of unresolved guilt and the difficulty of moving forward, a reality that often keeps us from experiencing the renewal promised in 2 Corinthians 5:17: "Therefore, if anyone is in Christ, he is a new creation. The old has passed away; behold, the new has come." NF’s raw questioning – "Will I ever clean the walls off in time?" – powerfully articulates the yearning for cleansing and transformation that marks the Christian journey, a desire to shed the old self and embrace the new.
The final, most isolating part of the house is the "safe room," a place NF built to keep others out, born from the profound emotional fear of abandonment and betrayal. He admits to being "emotionally scared to let anyone inside," preferring to lock his doors and barricade himself, believing that isolation is protection. This self-imposed imprisonment, however, ultimately leads to a crushing loneliness. A pivotal moment occurs when he acknowledges, "God keep saying I'm not locked in, I chose this." This line is a profound theological anchor, highlighting the paradox of self-imposed spiritual imprisonment versus God’s unwavering truth. God, in His infinite wisdom and love, reveals that freedom is always an option, reminding us that we often choose our own prisons of fear, despite His outstretched hand. NF then personifies "Fear" as a tenant that entered his house years ago and settled in, becoming an unwelcome resident he struggles to evict. This illustrates the insidious nature of fear, which, once given a foothold, can dominate our lives. This entire struggle finds its answer in Scripture, which consistently calls us to cast out fear through perfect love (1 John 4:18) and to trust in God’s sovereignty rather than our own limited understanding (Proverbs 3:5-6). God's constant reassurance, "Do not fear, for I am with you; do not be dismayed, for I am your God. I will strengthen you and help you; I will uphold you with my righteous right hand" (Isaiah 41:10), stands in stark contrast to the self-imprisonment NF describes. The song culminates with the agonizing question, "Is that me or the fear talking? I don't know anymore," revealing the profound confusion and internal battle that ensues when fear becomes deeply entrenched.
"Mansion" is not merely a song; it is a confession, a prayer, and a raw lament that echoes the universal human condition of wrestling with our fallen nature. NF’s profound vulnerability offers a powerful connection, reminding us that we are not alone in our internal struggles. From a faith perspective, this song, though dark in its imagery, serves as a poignant reminder of our desperate need for a Deliverer. The “mansion” of the mind, with its rooms of trauma, regret, and fear, is a powerful analogy for the human heart without Christ – a place where sin, doubt, and past wounds can hold us captive. Yet, even in the depths of this internal confinement, the subtle but profound mention of God’s voice offers a beacon of hope. It reminds us that even when we feel trapped by our choices and fears, God is actively calling us to freedom, asserting that we are "not locked in." Just as John 8:36 declares, "So if the Son sets you free, you will be free indeed," "Mansion" ultimately points to the transformative power of surrendering these broken rooms to the One who can truly clean, restore, and set us free from the prisons we build for ourselves. It is an invitation to acknowledge our brokenness, not to dwell in despair, but to seek the liberating truth that Christ offers.