Lyrics
Verse 1
Dear God, please
Hear me out, I know it's been a couple years
Since I've reached
Out and said hello, I bet You're wondering
Why I keep
Obsessing on and stressin' all the little things
When I should be
Living life and soaking up the memories
I know I've been selfish, I have
No excuse to give You, it's true
Hanging by a thread's how I live
I don't know why, but I feel more comfortable
Chorus
Livin' in my agony
Watchin' my self-esteem
Go up in flames, acting like I don't
Care what anyone else thinks
When I know truthfully
That that's the furthest thing from how I
Feel, but I'm too proud to open up and ask ya
To pick me up and pull me out this hole I'm trapped in
The truth is I need help, but I just can't imagine
Who I'd be if I was happy
Verse 2
Yeah, been this way so long
It feels like somethin's off when I'm not depressed
I got some issues that I won't address
I got some baggage I ain't opened yet
I got some demons I should put to rest
I got some traumas that I can't forget
I got some phone calls I been avoidin'
Some family members I don't really connect with
Some things I said I wish I woulda not let slip
Some hurtful words that never shoulda left my lips
Some bridges burned I'm not ready to rebuild yet
Some insecurities I haven't dealt with, yes
I'll be the first to admit that I'm a lonely soul
And the last to admit I need a hand to hold
Losin' hope, headed down a dangerous road
Strange, I know, but I feel most at home when I'm
Chorus
Livin' in my agony
Watchin' my self-esteem
Go up in flames, acting like I don't
Care what anyone else thinks
When I know truthfully
That that's the furthest thing from how I
Feel, but I'm too proud to open up and ask ya
To pick me up and pull me out this hole I'm trapped in
The truth is I need help, but I just can't imagine
Who I'd be if I was happy
Bridge
Don't know what's around the bend
Don't know what my future is
But I can't keep on livin' in "
Chorus
Livin' in my agony
Watchin' my self-esteem
Go up in flames, acting like I don't
Care what anyone else thinks
When I know truthfully
That that's the furthest thing from how I
Feel, but I'm too proud to open up and ask ya
To pick me up and pull me out this hole I'm trapped in
The truth is I need help, but I just can't imagine
Who I'd be if I was happy
Outro
(Oh, oh, oh)
(Oh, oh, oh) If I was happy
(Oh, oh, oh)
(Oh, oh, oh) If I was happy
Video
Meaning & Inspiration
"Happy" opens as a stalled prayer, addressed to God but admitting it has been years since the singer last spoke one: "I know it's been a couple years since I've reached out and said hello." That opening confession sets the tone for what follows — not a testimony of victory but an unresolved account of depression, self-esteem, and pride that keeps help at arm's length even while wanting it. The chorus names the contradiction directly, describing a performance of not caring that covers a truth the singer is "too proud to open up and ask" anyone to address.
The second verse lists specific struggles rather than vague sadness — unaddressed issues, unopened baggage, avoided phone calls, disconnected family — building a catalog that resists neat resolution. The bridge admits uncertainty about the future without offering easy comfort, and the song ends on the same open question it started with, unable to imagine who it would be without this weight. In that honesty the song sits closer to the lament psalms, which cry out to God from real distress without guaranteeing an answer, than to a typical praise chorus.
Related Scripture
- Psalm 13:1-2 A lament asking how long God will be forgotten, matching the song's opening prayer after years of silence.
- Psalm 40:2 God lifts the psalmist out of a pit, echoing the plea to be pulled out of the hole described in the chorus.