Theory Hazit - I Just Wanna Go Home Lyrics
Lyrics
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I grew up a freakin' screw up
got introduced to gin & juice and drank til I threw up
rebellious at the age of 14
I had dreams to be an MC
my role models smoke weed
and Soul D, my co-D snitched
I didn't know he was phony
he helped lock up a few of the homies.
And my mama hated who I hung out with but mama allowed it
I roll with grown men who actin childish.
I chose a tough route
all of my new friends is thugged out
after church I got cussed out for being high in the choir stands
when the preacher began preaching I was leafing a chief to fire, man.
Christmas Eve, 1996
the homey came through with a spliff and a stolen whip
hopped in the hooride, began to drive out to the city
it wasn't long before police greeted us with 9millis
one cop was like, "if you even reach in your pocket for a comb, I'm blowin off your dome. Hands on the steering wheel, now."
My first thougth was "my mama's gonna kill me"
"my mad son of age riding steal!"???
They found me guilty
hit me with five charges and plus I lied calling myself a keeper of the code of the streets.
As soon as they threw me in the cell I fell to my knees crying to God like "Why this have to happen to me?"
I just wanna I just wanna go (wanna go home)
I just wanna I just wanna go (I wanna go home)
I just wanna I just wanna go home.
I had a baby out of wedlock
I'm only nineteen
trying to juggle a job and go to LCC
between school and work I had to follow my heart
while the drugs is driving me and my baby's mama apart
my daughter turned 4 months, we finally parted our ways
I moved back to Winchester and connected with Jay
I couldn't keep a job, so I wished upon a star
hoping that this hip hop takes me far.
My father figure was my uncle lost & feened out and the only thing that's keeping me sane is freestyling
and finding roaches in ashtrays, smoking cancer sticks after the hash blaze
Nasty was my attitude moved that a way, shrewd
I kept writing til the gutter finally consumed me, wouldn't you?
Reality bites and weighs a ton,
it's time to roll with God cause there's nowhere to run, I wann come home.
I just wanna I just wanna go (wanna go home)
I just wanna I just wanna go (I wanna go home)
I just wanna I just wanna go home.
I just wanna go home
I just wanna go home
I just wanna go home.
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Theory Hazit: I Just Wanna Go Home
Meaning & Inspiration
"I Just Wanna Go Home" by Theory Hazit, from the 2018 album *Lord Fire*, is a raw and unflinching exploration of a life lived in rebellion and the subsequent yearning for redemption and peace. This track isn't just a collection of rhymes; it’s a deeply personal testament to the struggles of finding one's way amidst a landscape of poor choices, societal pressures, and spiritual longing. The narrative unfolds with a stark honesty, beginning in adolescence with a descent into substance abuse and a misguided pursuit of street credibility. Hazit paints a vivid picture of early rebellion, from getting introduced to alcohol and its ill effects to the disillusionment of friendships where loyalty proves to be a fragile commodity, as evidenced by the betrayal by a confidante who contributed to the downfall of others. His mother's disapproval of his associates highlights the internal conflict and the difficult environment he navigated. The stark imagery of being caught under the influence in a church choir, even as the preacher speaks, underscores the depth of his spiritual disconnect.
The song’s pivotal moment arrives on Christmas Eve 1996, a night that marks a sharp turn towards serious consequences. The thrill of a stolen car ride quickly dissolves into the terror of a police encounter, culminating in an arrest and a harsh legal reality. The feeling of guilt and the fear of his mother's reaction are palpable, revealing a core of youthful vulnerability beneath the bravado. Found guilty and facing multiple charges, Hazit candidly admits to a false claim of adhering to a "code of the streets," a superficial honor system that offered no protection from genuine accountability. The immediate aftermath of incarceration, a moment of falling to his knees in tears, crying out to God, is the song’s emotional anchor, a desperate plea for understanding and release. This cry for help echoes the psalmist's lament, as in Psalm 130:1: "Out of the depths I cry to you, O Lord; O Lord, hear my voice!" The repeated refrain, "I just wanna go home," transcends a mere desire for physical freedom; it signifies a yearning for a return to a state of innocence, a place of belonging, and a connection to something larger than himself, perhaps even a longing for the spiritual home he had strayed from.
The second verse delves into the complexities of young adulthood, confronting the burdens of fatherhood outside of marriage, the pressures of education and employment, and the strain of relationships fractured by addiction. At nineteen, Hazit is already grappling with responsibilities that seem overwhelming, trying to balance work, school, and the difficult realities of co-parenting. The parting with his baby's mama and the move back to Winchester set the stage for continued struggles, where job instability leads to a fervent hope that his passion for hip-hop can offer a viable path forward. The influence of a lost and struggling uncle serves as a somber reminder of the cyclical nature of hardship, yet within this bleakness, freestyling emerges as a vital coping mechanism, a sanctuary for his mind. The mention of "roaches in ashtrays" and "cancer sticks" points to the pervasive presence of less-than-ideal habits, but even in these moments, the act of writing, of channeling his experiences into verses, becomes a means of survival. He acknowledges a "nasty" attitude, a reflection of the abrasive realities he faced, and the profound feeling of being consumed by his circumstances. This resonates with the wisdom found in Ecclesiastes 1:18: "For with much wisdom comes much sorrow; the more knowledge, the more grief." The realization that "reality bites and weighs a ton" leads to an existential shift, a turning point where the only recourse is to "roll with God," acknowledging that earthly solutions have been exhausted and a higher power is the ultimate refuge. This submission is a powerful echo of Jesus' invitation in Matthew 11:28: "Come to me, all you who are weary and burdened, and I will give you rest." The song concludes with the persistent, almost prayerful, plea to "go home," a testament to the enduring human desire for peace, reconciliation, and a sense of ultimate belonging.