Purity in Christian Dating: Navigating Physical Boundaries with Godly Wisdom

Discover how to set boundaries in Christian dating relationships to honor God and stay pure. Learn the importance of heart motives and wise choices.

Setting Boundaries in Christian Dating: How to Stay Pure and Honor God

Entering the dating world can be an exciting and challenging time for young people. However, it is important for Christians to approach dating with a clear understanding of their faith and the values they hold dear. One of the key areas that often causes confusion and temptation in dating relationships is the issue of physical boundaries. How far is too far when it comes to physical affection? How can we honor God and stay pure in our dating relationships?

The Complexity of Sexuality

Sexuality is a powerful and complex aspect of human nature. It involves not only physical desires but also emotional and spiritual connections. As Christians, we believe that sexual activity is designed by God to be exclusively within the context of marriage. However, the steps leading up to intercourse can be filled with temptation and the potential for sin.

Abstinence teaching can sometimes fail by not adequately addressing the complexity of sexuality and the hidden dangers of "messing around." It is important for young people to receive specific guidance on how to navigate these challenges and protect their purity.

The Heart of the Matter

When it comes to setting physical boundaries in dating, it is essential to focus on the condition of our hearts. Jesus taught that sin begins in the heart (Mark 7:20-23). Therefore, rather than just evaluating outward actions, we should examine our motives and desires. Are our hearts and thoughts honoring God and our dating partner?

As Christians, our goal should be to protect the purity of both ourselves and our dating partner. This means drawing boundaries in our attitudes, clothing choices, activities, and the words we speak. It also means avoiding behaviors that intentionally create lust in another person, such as improper clothing, flirtatious behavior, or physically touching areas of the body that are not ours to enjoy.

Defining "Too Far"

There is no definitive answer to the question of how far is too far in physical affection before marriage. Approaching the issue with the mindset of how close we can get to sin before having to repent is setting ourselves up for failure. Instead, we should strive to keep our hearts and thoughts pure and honor God in our dating relationships.

Sinful behavior can manifest in various forms, such as sexting, which violates moral purity without physical touch. Engaging in long, passionate kisses before marriage may not be considered sinful if the desires are pure and the kiss is an expression of selfless love. However, engaging in make-out sessions that create lustful passions, which cannot be righteously fulfilled, is considered sin.

Each individual and couple may have different boundaries based on their personal convictions and the stage of their relationship. Some couples may choose to save their first kiss for their wedding day, while others may feel that long, passionate kisses are appropriate as their commitment to marriage is already in place. However, it is never acceptable to engage in behaviors that simulate the sex act, remove clothing, or speak in vulgar terms (Ephesians 4:29).

Wise Boundaries for Pure Dating

It is important for singles to decide ahead of time what boundaries they need to keep themselves pure. These boundaries may vary from person to person. The key is to seek guidance from God's Word and the Holy Spirit in determining what is honoring to Him.

Here are some general principles for setting wise boundaries in Christian dating:

1. Pray for guidance: Seek God's wisdom and guidance in setting boundaries that will honor Him and protect your purity.


2. Study God's Word: Read and meditate on Scripture passages that address sexual purity and the importance of honoring God in our relationships (1 Thessalonians 4:3-8).


3. Be aware of your motives: Examine your heart and desires. Is your focus on honoring God and your dating partner or on satisfying selfish desires?


4. Communicate openly: Have honest conversations with your dating partner about your boundaries and expectations. It is important to be on the same page and respect each other's convictions.


5. Choose appropriate activities: Plan dates and activities that allow you to build emotional and spiritual intimacy without crossing physical boundaries. Focus on getting to know each other on a deeper level.


6. Be mindful of your clothing choices: Dress modestly and avoid clothing that may be a stumbling block for your dating partner.


7. Accountability: Surround yourself with a community of fellow believers who can provide support and hold you accountable in your commitment to purity.

The Fear of the Lord

One powerful motivator for staying pure in our dating relationships is the fear of the Lord. The Bible tells us that the fear of the Lord is the beginning of wisdom (Proverbs 9:10). When we have a deep reverence for God and His presence in our lives, we are more likely to make choices that honor Him.

Imagine going on a date with Jesus sitting right next to you. What would you do differently? How would your behavior and choices change? Inviting Jesus on our dates with us, metaphorically speaking, can help us keep far away from danger points and protect our purity and that of our dating partner.

Conclusion

Setting physical boundaries in Christian dating is a vital aspect of honoring God and protecting our purity. It requires us to examine our heart motives, communicate openly with our dating partner, and seek guidance from God's Word and the Holy Spirit. By setting wise boundaries, we can navigate the complexities of sexuality and remain focused on honoring God and building a foundation of love and commitment in our relationships.