Norma Jean - Pretendeavor Lyrics
Lyrics
Oh my God, hand us down our ribbons.
You death defier you. Far from fear, we are.
Adrift and gone. After the fallout, after a million miles.
Adrift is the reason for the rains and we're in the undertow.
Stop dancing around, in stories untold
the mind has conquered the whole heart.
Sewing the insecure thread of reason.
I'll burn what it takes. Down what it takes,
we're not going down with this ship.
I burned 41 hills for the love of academic ability.
That exceeds the love of searching for the truth.
We comprehend a massive army.
Video
Pretendeavor: A Reference To A Sinking Ship
Meaning & Inspiration
Norma Jean’s “Pretendeavor,” from their 2005 album *O God the Aftermath*, stands as a stark and profound exploration of spiritual drifting and the human inclination to prioritize intellectual vanity over divine truth. Released on January 1st of that year, the track immediately immerses the listener in a raw, contemplative struggle, its very title a potent blend of "pretend" and "endeavor," hinting at an effort that is either inauthentic or an illusion of progress. The song’s narrative unfolds as a confession, a battle cry, and ultimately, a reorientation towards what truly matters in the aftermath of spiritual disillusionment.
The initial lines of the song paint a vivid picture of a soul in disarray, seemingly "adrift and gone" after a period of significant upheaval, a "fallout" that has left one feeling lost and overwhelmed. The plea, “Oh my God, hand us down our ribbons. You death defier you,” carries a dual weight; it could be a sarcastic demand for accolades in a state of aimlessness, or a desperate cry to the One who conquered death, acknowledging ultimate power even in the midst of despair. This spiritual current, the “undertow,” is attributed to being "adrift," suggesting that aimlessness itself is the cause of suffering and struggle, much like a ship without a rudder is at the mercy of the sea. This resonates deeply with the scriptural warning in James 1:6-8, where a double-minded person, wavering in faith, is compared to a "wave of the sea, blown and tossed by the wind," ultimately receiving nothing from the Lord.
A critical turning point arrives with the poignant declaration, “Stop dancing around, in stories untold the mind has conquered the whole heart. Sewing the insecure thread of reason.” Here, the song confronts the human tendency to rationalize and intellectually bypass genuine spiritual engagement. The "mind has conquered the whole heart" is a powerful indictment of a life where logic and human understanding have usurped the central place meant for faith and spiritual discernment. The Bible often speaks of the heart as the core of one's being, the wellspring of life (Proverbs 4:23), and warns against relying solely on human intellect. Proverbs 3:5-6 advises, "Trust in the Lord with all your heart and lean not on your own understanding; in all your ways submit to him, and he will make your paths straight." The "insecure thread of reason" perfectly captures the fragility and insufficiency of human thought when it attempts to weave a tapestry of truth independent of divine revelation, a contrast to the "anchor for the soul, firm and secure" found in Hebrews 6:19.
The song then shifts from lament to defiant resolve: “I’ll burn what it takes. Down what it takes, we’re not going down with this ship.” This is a powerful declaration of commitment, a refusal to succumb to spiritual shipwreck. It speaks to a willingness to make radical sacrifices, to destroy whatever obstacles or false constructs stand in the way of true spiritual survival. This echoed resolve mirrors the call to discipleship found throughout Scripture, where Jesus Himself urges His followers to count the cost and be willing to forsake all to follow Him (Luke 14:28-33). It is a rejection of the path of perdition, a burning away of idols – whether they be comfort, pride, or even misplaced intellectual pursuits – to cling to life.
The lyrical climax and ultimate confession arrive with the profound statement, “I burned 41 hills for the love of academic ability. That exceeds the love of searching for the truth. We comprehend a massive army.” The imagery of "burning hills" is incredibly evocative, suggesting immense effort, sacrifice, or even the destruction of spiritual high places, traditionally associated with idolatry in the Old Testament (e.g., Jeremiah 3:6, 1 Kings 14:23). But here, the devastating revelation is that these monumental efforts were not for God’s glory or for true spiritual insight, but "for the love of academic ability." This speaks to the perilous temptation to substitute human achievement, intellectual prowess, or worldly recognition for the genuine, humble pursuit of God's truth. Paul powerfully articulates this danger in 1 Corinthians 1:19-20, stating, "For it is written: 'I will destroy the wisdom of the wise; the intelligence of the intelligent I will frustrate.' Where is the wise person? Where is the teacher of the law? Where is the philosopher of this age? Has not God made foolish the wisdom of the world?" The realization that this misplaced love "exceeds the love of searching for the truth" is a poignant confession of misprioritized affections. The final line, "We comprehend a massive army," can be interpreted as a newfound awareness of the spiritual forces arrayed against us, or perhaps the collective strength of those who, like the speaker, are now choosing to fight for truth, having seen the emptiness of their previous endeavors. This is the understanding gained in the aftermath: a recognition of the spiritual battle, and a commitment to engage with it, no longer "pretending" to endeavor but truly striving for eternal truth.