Benjamin William Hastings - Dancing With My Shadow Lyrics
Lyrics
Verse 1
Oh, don't mind him, he's made of darkness
But I take him everywhere I go
You'd think the light would make him harmless
And yet by light do shadows grow
Pre-Chorus
It's two of me in tension, didn't know I had depression
Till he started writing songs
And I told him not to draw attention
So he fouettes across the floor
Chorus
Come watch me dancing with my shadow
I'm trying to figure out the steps
Between the man you think you follow
And the man I really am
I'm out here singing to the bright light all night
With all this darkness in my head
So come watch me dancing with my shadow
Can't you see that I can't dance?
Verse 2
Well, surely a prophet on a poster
Must be the blatant worst of both
Oh, I didn't wanna be your pastor
Lest some holy rolling stone
Pre-Chorus
'Cause there's two of me in tension, just waltzing with affection
Just learning as we go
And I'm tryin' not to draw attention
We've both been treading on some toes
Chorus
So come watch me dancing with my shadow
I'm trying to figure out the steps
Between the man you think you follow
And the man I really am
And I can't keep singing to the bright lights all night
With all this darkness in my head
So come watch me dancing with my shadow
Can't you see that I can't dance?
Post-Chorus
Can't you see that I can't dance?
Can't you see that I can't dance, dance?
Outro
I'm dancing with my " I'm dancing with my "
I'm dancing with my shadow
I'm dancing with my " I'm dancing with my "
I'm dancing with my shadow
I'm dancing with my shadow
Video
Benjamin William Hastings - Dancing With My Shadow (Official Visualizer)
Meaning & Inspiration
Benjamin William Hastings’ "Dancing With My Shadow," released on January 20th, 2023, as part of his *Benjamin William Hastings (Songwriters Edition)* album, plunges deep into the raw, often unacknowledged tension within the human spirit. The song immediately captures attention with its arresting imagery and profound honesty, inviting listeners into a deeply personal confession that resonates universally. It bypasses superficial expressions of faith to explore the very real struggle of living authentically while wrestling with internal darkness.
At its core, "Dancing With My Shadow" is an intimate unveiling of the artist's inner world, personifying his struggles, particularly depression, as a constant companion. The "shadow" isn't merely a fleeting presence but an integral, albeit unwelcome, part of his journey, one he "takes everywhere I go." This powerful metaphor speaks to the persistent nature of mental health challenges and personal imperfections. The striking paradox that "by light do shadows grow" hints at a profound truth: often, as we grow in spiritual awareness and understanding, the areas of our own brokenness and unresolved issues become even more apparent, not less. It’s in the revealing light of truth that our deepest insecurities and flaws are illuminated, making the shadow seem larger, not smaller.
The central conflict is articulated as "two of me in tension"—a stark admission of the chasm between the self others perceive and the self one truly is. Hastings openly shares his private battle with depression, noting he "didn't know I had depression / Till he started writing songs," suggesting a creative outlet became the mirror reflecting his hidden pain. The struggle to reconcile the "man you think you follow" with "the man I really am" is a poignant echo of the pressure many face, particularly those in public roles or positions of spiritual influence. This tension manifests as a clumsy dance, an awkward attempt to navigate the intricate steps of authenticity while acknowledging a profound internal struggle.
This profound internal conflict finds strong resonance in Scripture. The apostle Paul, in Romans 7:15-19, articulates a similar wrestling match within himself, confessing, "For I do not understand my own actions. For I do not do what I want, but I do the very thing I hate." He goes on to say, "For I know that nothing good dwells in me, that is, in my flesh." This echoes Hastings' "two of me in tension," illustrating that the struggle between our fallen nature and our desire for righteousness is a universal human experience, even for those deeply committed to faith. The very act of acknowledging this internal shadow, rather than concealing it, becomes an act of truth-telling that God honors, as Psalm 51:6 declares, "Behold, you delight in truth in the inward being."
The song further delves into the particular burden of those perceived as spiritual figures, with lines like "surely a prophet on a poster / Must be the blatant worst of both" and "I didn't wanna be your pastor." This highlights the immense pressure to project an image of unwavering strength and perfection, a stark contrast to the reality of human fallibility. This tension is further amplified when Hastings sings, "I can't keep singing to the bright light all night / With all this darkness in my head." This vivid imagery captures the exhausting effort of performing faith while battling private demons. It’s a sobering reflection on the dangers of outward displays disconnected from inner truth, a theme Jesus addressed when warning against hypocrisy in Matthew 23. Yet, Scripture also offers solace in this vulnerability, reminding us in 2 Corinthians 12:9-10 that God's "power is made perfect in weakness." Our brokenness, when offered to God, can become a conduit for His strength, not a hindrance.
The repeated refrain, "Come watch me dancing with my shadow / Can't you see that I can't dance?" is not an admission of defeat but a profound act of courageous vulnerability. It’s an invitation to witness the messy, imperfect process of living out one's faith and humanity simultaneously. The inability to dance perfectly signifies a reliance not on self-mastery, but on grace—acknowledging that this dance with our shadow isn't about perfectly choreographed steps, but about continuing to move forward, even awkwardly, with God’s hand to guide. It’s a powerful testament to the truth that our faith journey is rarely smooth, often marked by internal conflict and outward struggle. Ultimately, "Dancing With My Shadow" serves as an encouraging anthem for anyone who has ever felt a disconnect between their public face and private reality, urging us to embrace honesty, find grace in our imperfections, and trust that even in our vulnerability, God is present, moving with us through every uncertain step.